From the Outside

Hi. Many of you have asked to see photos of our new house. And I kept putting it off. Mostly because we would forget to take a photo in front of the dang thing, and I wanted that. Partly because I have this unreasonable desire to wait until it's all "finished," you know- landscaped and well grown for years, the inside fully decorated and furnished. Things like that that wont happen for years. haha There's also a part of me that doesn't want to show it via pictures because I want my friends to come visit me and felt that the curiosity and mystery would compel them to come. ;) 

But also.

We moved from such a small, humble home. And now this one is big and kind of a statement. I have a lot of feelings about it all. More than I probably should? But I worry that people will think that we are like, rich people or obsessed with material things now or "stuck up" or things like that. When in contrast we built this home to have room for everyone and a place where I hoped everyone would feel safe, relaxed, and happy in. Like it was a little bit of therapy to visit us. But now I'm all worried that I failed. So I have all these weird fears that most likely just reflect what I'm feeling/fearing about myself. I just don't want anyone to think I'm trying to show off or brag. But man, it's silly to worry so much about things like that! I need to let it go.

Because on the other hand, I'm really excited to show everyone because I am proud of how it all turned out since we started from scratch and really designed the whole thing. It's not all perfect and somethings turned out not quite how I had envisioned it, but over all it's exciting to be able to express myself in such a huge artistic way! (which also adds to the problem of wishing I had millions of $$ more to finish it all with the decorations and landscaping that's in my mind so I can show what my art looks like finished. 😉) (but that may all take a lifetime!)

And lastly, there's the other most heavy layer of emotions that comes with it. If I'm being honest, the price of the house ended up being much more than anticipated. I know this keeps happening to other people building too right now, and it's not just us, but man. It sucks. We really did try and stick in our budget (except with electrical, we knew we went over on that haha) but things add up, it's hard to keep track of allllllll the numbers AND then the real killer- sub contractors all upping their prices MID JOB and not really telling you what it is until it's too late and all is said and done. It's just a lot of things. We are fortunate that we were still able to pay what we needed to and able to move into our wonderful home, and I am so grateful for that. But it's sad that all our savings we were planning for other things (not even fun things- boring things like paying off student loans!) are now all gone and we have to start all over again. I do not say this to get pity, because that would be absurd- "oh yes, poor Anna having to move into her dream home, we feel really BAD for her." 😂 I say it because I felt like being open about it, for whatever pregnant hormonal reason that may be, and to say that I have felt SO GUILTY. Buck would have been pleased as ever to build a simple, normal home. But then I have to go be all ambitious and difficult have to make a custom home to express myself and because of that I felt like I had ruined us financially. Because Buck built this house for me. It all feels like my fault! (and no, he has not once said anything to make me feel bad or held anything over my head about it! This is all on my own!)  So the first couple of weeks there was this darkness of shame, guilt, and embarrassment that I allowed to hang over me. Fear that I'm "losing my way" and that I got too caught up in the nice things of the world and allowed myself to lose humility and that my new pride had cost us greatly in so many ways.

I mean, does everyone feel so many things when they build a home and move into it? haha I don't know! You tell me! Like I said, the pregnant hormonal thing has NOT helped. But I guess, in conclusion, after talking and being open about our feelings (because Buck was busy blaming himself and worrying that HE was the problem too) we decided that: it is what it is now. There is no going back. Maybe we did make some mistakes and get lost in the world of cool lights and doorknobs. Maybe our house isn't as humble as it should be. We totally learned some lessons too late about building and money. But sitting around letting guilt consume us and worrying also what others might think is getting us nowhere. So we're moving on. We're making our plans to build back our savings and budget. We're focusing on gratitude that we were able to have those savings to help us out in the first place. We've halted anymore big purchases and giving up on a yard for a time. And we're always ever more learning about patience. ;)

So! Holy crap! There's ALL of THAT. And so now here's the first official home reveal. But only of the front of the house. I wont wait forever for the inside but I would like to at least wait until the rest of our lights are hung up. 😂 (don't even ask, it's the most obnoxious story of why they aren't. haha) As of yesterday we finally have all of our doorknobs haha so we're almost there. ;) But yes, for now, just the outside will do. ;) 

One of our favorite parts is that above the garage there is a deck, not sure if you can tell. But it's got the views of the lake that hopefully we'll still be able to keep even after homes are built on that street. 

On this long side that's only slightly shown here, there's another single car garage on the ground level and a balcony over that.

Thanks for letting me get that all out. Till next time, xoxo