Rants and Rain

There was a random summer rain storm, the rain pounding down. I came out to where the girls were, frantically yelling to “hurry! Get outside!” June followed me, confused but intrigued. 

“What are we doing mom?!” She asked. 

“Getting wet in warm summer rain!” I exclaimed, “This is the best kind of rain!” 

So we danced and lifted our faces up to the sky, eyes closed, tongues out, catching the fresh water. Five minutes in Hazel came wandering out, finally interested in our madness. She blinked and then jumped right in with us, running to puddles, catching drops. It was one of those days where I decided to let myself be proud of the mom that I am.

*screech!*
Blog post comes to a glaring halt.
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I know, you guys, I know. I know how I must look or come across sometimes out on this world wide web. People probably think that I'm annoying. That I'm either "not being real" and hiding the truth about my horrible life OR that my life is perhaps perfect and I am just basking and bragging, a regular old show-off.

 And if I've ever come across that way (then I have no idea why you would even be here reading this) but if I have, then I AM sorry. I know I don't have to be or shouldn't be but I am. Because I don't want to perpetuate the facade of social media fakers. I don't want to dig in with a knife, making your pains or trials in life even deeper. I know not everyone has a happy marriage, or even has a marriage. Or has kids but wants kids. Or struggles with crappy in laws or relatives or money or body issues. And here I am: skinny, travels, kids, good husband, a home. Good heavens, I even have great in-laws! I KNOW HOW IT LOOKS. I'm annoyed at myself! And I know I'm not *suppose* to say those things. But I just did. Because I'm tired of "saying it right."

So let's set it straight.

First of all, I am not "hiding" things just so that people can be jealous of some fake life. I honestly, truly, in all my heart of hearts just want to put out positive things in a world of negativity. I want to stand up and say "Having a family CAN be a happy and wonderful experience in life!" because there's so much against it. I'm not trying to rub salt in anyone's infertility issues. Nor do I think I'm some saint because I'm in a good marriage. Marriage is a crap-shoot for everyone. We all either get lucky or not as we hope that the other person in the deal wants to keep choosing to love. We only get to control ourselves, not anyone else, not even a spouse. So nobody gets a medal for a perfect marriage. Nobody. 

And I'll say it. The honest truth of it all. I DO have a happy marriage. (note: "happy" not "perfect.") I am not hiding anything. And I'm sorry! But I don't congratulate myself on that. I just feel like for right now, we're lucky. And I don't think we'll always have sunshiny days- who knows what life will throw at us one day! Before I got married I did have some doozies in life to deal with. (A lot of those hard times came because of stupid choices on my own part or by being with stupid people, but I digress.) And for some reason ever since I got married my life has been stable, happy, peaceful. I mean, I could go into the reasons why PERSONALLY that has happened but I don't know, I don't want anyone to think I think that everyone should be doing things just like ME. Because, again, a crap-shoot, we all make our own choices, yadda yadda yadda. (But yeah, I mean, you also can't sit around on your rump every day and hope for the good luck-fairy to come tap her wand on you. True happiness does take work.)

So I danced in the rain with my kids. I know, I'm a cliche, cheesy mom. It's okay. And it's okay if you're not. As long as we're all trying our best and trying to magnify something GOOD and POSITIVE in the world at some point! Because- YOU GUYS. There is so much hate going around this world that it makes me dizzy and barf. Like, I can't even go off on it right now because I'm writing on this post that has photos of my innocent, beautiful daughters on it.

So. In summation. Yes. I love my husband and I like being a mom and I'm sorry? I'm sorry I take photos and I'm sorry that, for a time, we are financially secure. I am sorry. I wish this for the world (the peace and happiness part, not that everyone's peace and happiness has to come from the same source as mine)! Everyone. (except the Nazis. oops. hashtag not tolerant of intolerance)

It's getting late and I'm getting sassy and strange so I should probably stop. But just know that everyone has a happy season, I think. I've had my hard ones and I'll have more to come. I've had some during marriage too, just over all, for the most part, it's been really awesome. So I'm trying to really appreciate that while I have it. Because, you know, if nothing else one day we are going to have teenage girls. So clearly, my days of reckoning are headed my way.

That's all. Just a late night rant that probably doesn't make any sense. But my blog was getting a little bit too predictable, poised, and pretty. It needed a dose of late night (yes 10:50 is late to me) drunk Anna. (not really drunk, just sleepy-drunk, you know?)

Good night!