Clementine Rose- A Birth Story

Born November 30th, at 2:10 pm.
5 pounds, 17 inches

She's here, she's here! Three weeks early, not a Christmas baby at all, but A November one at that! We knew a couple weeks ago that she needed to come early since she was not growing enough. But we were aiming for December 8th. But then on Nov 29th the doctor said she thought we needed to do it sooner (We'd been going to the specialist a ton too and had the same response.) So we prayed about it all and felt like that was the right thing to do! And boom- She was born the next day! I still can't believe that I was suppose to go till December 22nd or even until the 8th. But yet, here I am on December 7th, and I'm NOT pregnant and my baby is a week old!

And now, the birth story, for those who care, but mostly since I documented it with the other girls, I want it in here. ( Here is JUNE's and here is HAZEL's)

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 I took my time eating that early morning french toast that Buck had so kindly woken up to early to make me. We were suppose to be at the hospital by 6:30 am, but I was dragging my feet. I couldn't focus on the end goal, the wonderful, miraculous end goal. I couldn't remember that at the end of it all that there was going to be a baby- OUR baby, to hold and bring home. All I could see was a dark fog of anxiety and fears surrounding me. And as soon as we walked into the labor and delivery room I had to go into the bathroom and cry. I was so scared. "Why am I here again?!" I asked myself. "How bad will it hurt? What's going to happen? Will I die, will the baby be safe? Will the doctor or nurses know what they are doing or will they hurt us? Can my body do this? Can I do this?!"

My nurse, Erin, came in and introduced herself. She asked me how I was feeling and I said I was anxious and warned her I may cry the whole time because of it. But she was the angel sent for me that day and she asked me what I was anxious about and talked me through it for a while. I started to feel a little better and grateful that she was there.

And before I knew it I was in the wafer thin, familiar hospital gown, open in the back and the words "Laundry" stamped boldly on the front, another nurse by my side digging a needle around in my vein trying to set the I.V. I jerked from the pain and sheer grossness of it all, causing the needled to "blow my vein." A nice swollen bump appeared and another nurse was brought in to successfully injected it on my other arm. Within that hour my doctor was there with a long crochet hook to break my water. After a few painful attempts at that, I felt the fluid, a feeling I've never had before as the other two pregnancies ended due to no amniotic fluid.

At first the contractions were familiar to me. I'd been feeling them for months now! But this time they had a pattern and a rhythm. Up and down, up and down went the pain. And for some reason I put off getting the epidural. I couldn't completely explain why. I think I was putting off the nervousness of the needle. I think I was fearful of it not working, or something going wrong with it, or that I'd be stuck in the bed for hours and hours, that maybe it would slow the labor. I was scared that if I got it too soon that it would wear off when it was time to push and that I'd end up feeling the ring of fire, the cutting, the stitching. I was anxious that it wouldn't work on one side, like what happened in Hazel's birth, and that I would be stuck laying down but still feeling the pain.

But, I'll admit, there was also some part of me that wanted to be there with my body. I wanted to listen to it and let my body be in charge, not just the doctor. I kept feeling that it wasn't the time, that for some reason I needed to go just a little longer. This pregnancy has been so different for me. I focused more on the health of my body and I have felt strong and empowered. I used to be so fearful of it but the past 8 months I have instead believed in it and reverenced it and all its capabilities. Pregnancy is always hard and painful for me but there was something different this time, it helped shape my confidence as a woman and I think I wanted the ending of this time to end with this connection still intact. And I felt that my body needed to feel for a while. So I let it.

I also enjoyed having Buck there to support me. At the beginning he read to me from "A Christmas Carol." As the pain amplified he sat on the bed next to me and I sat by him, resting on him, allowing him to scratch my back and rub my shoulders and I tried to breathe through each contraction. I needed that time with him, to let him help me, to be there together.

So for nearly five hours that's how it went. But I knew I needed to make a decision about the epidural. I talked it over with Buck. I felt confused and scared to make the wrong choice. It wasn't until I asked myself "Are you planning to go the whole way without this?!" and I was able to confidently answer myself back with a "HECK NO!" that I realized I had been holding out long enough and it was okay to get it and it was time.

It's a good thing I got it when I did. The contractions got more and more powerful right after I requested it. I started to cry and hold my breath and lose focus. But soon after the relief came and I was happy I got it! haha. I was dilated to a five so I was proud of that.

Buck's dad was bringing Buck a sandwich and since I was starting to feel better I wanted him to bring the girls in with him. I was missing them. But then the numbness wasn't happening on the right side of my body. They tilted me to the side to see if that would help. I thought maybe it was. The pain was getting more and more faint.... the girls came in and ... nope.... pain was growing and burning now all on my right side. I couldn't hide my pain. I could see that June was nervous and worried. They had been there five minutes and I had to ask them to leave.

I called the nurse back in and she checked me and said, "You're complete!" "Wait, what? What do you mean by that?!" I cried incredulously. "You're at a ten!" she chimed and I couldn't believe it. Just 20 or 30 minutes prior to that I was only at a five! No wonder the pain was so intense.

So they called in the anesthesiologist and he "re-dosed" my epidural. And man alive, that did the trick! But it did it too well! I was completely paralyzed! They laid me down and started wheeling the birthing things in and more people came to get ready for the baby. They put an oxygen mask on me and I started feeling so strange. I felt like I was mentally leaving that room... everything seemed faint and far away. Mere ghosts gliding over to my limp body, holding up what appeared to be my legs. "Anna, the doctor asked you a question!" I see her face apparate, encircled in white harsh lights- but I don't respond. I hear her say, "I hope her legs aren't dead as a post now!" And I try to shout out "I am! I am dead as a post!" I try to tell Buck that I am not mentally there, I ask him to not let me die, that perhaps I am about to slip into a coma.

"OKAY! It's time to push! PUUUSH!" And I tried with all my might but I could NOT feel a thing! "Keep pushing, harder harder! You can do it, you're doing great! You're a great pusher!"  I was convinced that they were lying to me. There was no way I was pushing. It was impossible!

I hear the doctor say something about turning the baby. Then something about needing to do a small cut. "She's right there keep going!" It really didn't take long, just several minutes, and boom- BABY. I was shocked and alarmed that I had been indeed pushing! Buck's eyes were teary. I felt mine water! I did it! We did it! It was all real! A BABY!

And then she was all mine. The doctor wouldn't let anyone take her away yet, she said that "mom needs to hold her." and before I knew it there was a new baby on my chest, pink and screaming, skin to skin with me. There was a rush of stitches, a placenta, someone pushing on my belly and then everyone vanished.

I held her there on me for an hour while Buck sat close. We didn't even know her weight yet! How exciting- I was getting to just hold her! When my angel nurse finally did return and asked if it was okay to clean her off and weight her I was ready because I was still feeling out of it and hadn't really been able to focus in on her face. haha She came in at 5 pounds even and 17 inches! And she was doing great!

They helped me sit up and it was then that I realized what the problem had been all along. The top half of my body had been going numb as well! It wasn't pleasant. But sitting up helped work with gravity to bring life back to my top half.

(you can tell how out of it I was. haha)

Soon enough they were rolling my limp body onto another bed and wheeling me down to the new room for our two day stay. A couple hours later I had feeling back in my body. Buck's family came and stopped by that evening so we had a little party in the room and everyone got a chance to hold the baby. I call her "the baby" because we still couldn't decide on her name at that point.

The best part was that the girls got to come and hold their new sister. June also needed time to just snuggle next to me on my bed for a while. Hazel couldn't stop talking and telling stories to everyone. I felt all sorts of good feelings. Three perfect little girls. God has been good to us, so incredibly good.

 The next day was quiet. Buck took a whiteboard marker and wrote name ideas on the window. Outside it was grey and white snow drifted around the names. Rose, Clementine, Alyse, Anna, Adelaide, Anabelle.

 I never once left that room until we left the hospital. But I didn't need to. It felt like time had stopped in that little corner. I felt such a sacred feeling of new love for my baby. In the end there are truly no words to describe this love and the fresh piece of heaven that you hold in your arms. There have never been any words in any language created to describe it. It is beyond this earth life. And it is absolutely wonderful.

 The next morning we were filling out any remaining paper work and such and there sat the birth certificate. We needed to decide a name. This whole time I've really wanted to name her Clementine Rose and call her Rose but then Buck just didn't like it so it's been so hard to decide anything. He didn't like rose. He wanted Adelaide, I didn't. But nothing felt right. I even prayed for dreams to reveal to me a name. But nothing ever came. But finally I told Buck that if he like the name that I did that I would have been done a long time ago with trying to figure it out. I still felt a connection to that name. And finally, finally, Buck decided to go along with it. And next thing I knew, that was what he wrote on the birth certificate. So after all of that! Clementine Rose it is! 

 Little Rose had a hard time with blood sugars and body temperature while at the hospital. The poor thing got poked a lot and we were worried that she may need to stay a few extra days without us in the NICU. But when the last day came, she had been strong enough and we were able to leave with her, we even left a few hours early!

And out into the winter air we took her, into the car, down the road, and home. To the same home we've brought all our babies home too.

Welcome home little Rose Bud.