Happy Four Years!

We made it! Four years! Which is nothing compared to the many years we plan to be together but still, every anniversary is exciting!

And I like milestones. I like New Years eve and birthdays and anniversaries. They provide a time to look back and think about all the changes and decide what's next. The theme of this past year would probably be HAZEL. I mean I was newly pregnant when we marked three years last summer and then I had her in February and since then it's been a six month adjustment of having two kids. Also, in this time Buck got a good job and graduated with his masters. So, needless to say, it's been a busy year.

And all that busyness has been good things. But it's also worn me down. I really miss Buck. Through all of it it's made it exponentially more difficult for us to spend time together. A new baby will do that. And so will a new position at work, which Buck got, but he walked into a mess and the busy season so he gets home later than normal and has to work when he gets here. Right now we sacrifice sleep just so that we can sit on the couch and talk or watch a show- TOGETHER- as in no kids in our arms or screaming. We usually have to wait till 10:00 pm for this time but whatever. Whenever I start to feel sulky about all of this I chant in my mind "This is only temporary, this is only temporary." And it is. Babies don't stay babies for very long. The busy season at work will end. We will find time to go on ONE date, one day.

And I never really know what to say. If I tell you now that it's okay because all of these trials come because of great blessings then I will be accused of not "keeping it real" or being fake. But if I complain, (like I kinda was in the previous paragraph) then I will be blamed for being negative and ungrateful. You can't win in the blogging world.

So to All You I say this: Marriage is wonderful. But only if you want it to be. And that means working at it. And that means being lucky enough to have someone by your side who also wants to work at it.

Sometimes I really miss the newlywed stage. I look at new couples and get jealous. But then I learned an important lesson from building a bon fire. Just stick with me here...

To start a fire you have to build the wood up just right and then fill around that with kindling, usually like trash and paper or dried leaves and such. This lights up fast and hot but wont last long so you have to make sure it's by the large logs of wood so that it catches them on fire. Once the real wood has been lit and the kindling is ash you have to stoke the fire to make sure there is oxygen and such. You have to watch it, if it's dying down you throw on another dry log. You can keep small flames and embers burning for quite some time, but if you're diligent then you can cause the largest logs to roar into a beautiful fire that will last. It takes more effort to keep a roaring fire but it will be the warmest.

And so it is with marriage. When we start dating we shower that person with love and affection. We are willing to do whatever it takes. Kissing and cuddling is new and exciting. You go on dates all the time. Surprise them with gifts, whatever. This is all the kindling. And if this is put under of two well built people then you may start a fire. The flame catches, you get married. Yes! A real fire! It's exciting and warm. But then if you don't nurture it, it will soon die down into embers, making you think that you still have warmth but it could be so much more. But if you continue to tend to your marriage, adding to it, breathing life into it, then before you know it, you will have a roaring success.

This past year I have spent time missing the kindling. Those fast lighting objects, the beginning. How quick it all was to be in love. But once I realized that those are not the things that make it all last, more that they are there to start something wonderful, I have tried to shift my mind. I have tried to start adding to my marriage in the ways that mean something now. This is not to say that romance and wining and dining is bad, I'll take it any day! But there are things with more substance now too that build the flames. Things like budgeting and gardening together. Helping each other out when we have a stressful day. Doing dishes. Coming home early. And the occasional surprise flowers don't hurt either.

So here we are. No longer newlyweds but nowhere near being experts. This year has been learning about that. Making the transition. Being adults. (blah) And figuring out how to start really making our "fire" grow and how to keep it going through this life.

I have no idea if any of this has made any sense. But maybe you all can get an idea of what I'm babbling on about here. ;) The point is that now we go forward into year five! And while I'm hoping that somewhere in the coming days I will get to spend more time alone with Buck, I also hope that I can keep the right perspective about it all.

 

I love you Buck! Now here's a surprise for you!

Remember when I wrote this poem for you in 2012?

 ---------------------------

The sun sets, falling under the waves. Colors shatter and break in the air.

Slowly we rock back and forth, the small ship sleepy and calm.

On strong wooden planks you hold me and we dance.  The stars sit down to watch. The darkest blue turns black. Water becomes sky.

We rock, and we rock, back and forth.

Peace laps up against the boat.

The storms have brought us so far from the land, the clouds ushered us on. They sailed us to a place unknown by any traveler. Our place of rest. Our sea-breeze lullaby.

The kind wind hums softly the songs born by her travels-  distant and enchanting. Somehow she has found us. She takes our tale and continues on, telling it to the sea.

But we stay on.
And we rock and we rock and we rock to sleep.

------------------------------------

Well, with A LOT of help and creative genius from Tanya, I turned it into a song for you.*

Click the link below

Sea Breeze Lullaby

*And this was a rough recording.

 I was kid free for an hour so I busted into 

Tanya's home and we just plowed through this.

But one day soon we plan to make a better recording. 

As in, I will sing it better. So don't judge. thanks