Straddling the line between being aware and paranoid is a tiring life. I should know, I'm always dancing back and forth. It comes with the territory I suppose- the one of a degree in Sociology, working at a juvenile corrections center, treatment center and with foster kids (usually the stories of what they grew up with in their families are far worse than anything they've ever done). The one of the blond sister missionary and her "encounters" in Armenia (seriously mom, don't worry about it...) ;) The one of a girl who has studied many social problems and dealt with a lot. The one of a volunteer with the Rape Crisis team (this one made staying on team aware really difficult for me.) I don't know. Blame it on all of that.
Either way.
WHY has there been TWO different black vehicles now that have stopped purposefully and quickly in front of my house to take a picture of it only to race off, taking no note of the other houses? Huh? And
WHY, then, did the most recent person have sunglasses on in a rain storm and take the photo with his CELL PHONE? WHY did he know exactly where he was going? WHY?
Ask any man and they will give me a lot of logical explanations. The one that makes the most sense is that it could be real estate agents for various purposes. Okay then. Fine. But with their cell phone? Really? REALLY?!
Actually, to help myself not be so paranoid, I have to carefully pick and choose what news articles I read. I actually can't handle most of it. It makes me feel too dark and scared of the world. I really have to be careful. It messes with my head.
So I don't know why I thought I could handle the news clip on the baby that was stolen from her crib in the middle of the night by strangers!
Seriously.
I watched it and then 30 minutes later the man in the black car drove by, deliberately stopped and quickly took a cell phone photo of my little house.
So guess what I'm paranoid of now? Yep, that people in black cars are plotting to come kidnap my baby. I even called the police station to ask them if the "paparazzi" attention I was getting was weird. They confirmed that it was, although, of course, there could be "explainations." Either way there's nothing they can do about it unless I get more info NEXT TIME it HAPPENS.
Great.
Since then I've been too scared to walk outside with June. Good heavens.
Last night, in the middle of it, our carport and backyard motion sensor lights turned on. I about had a heart attack. I tried to wake up Buck but he is impossible to wake up!!!
This morning I heard some banging around in the house while I was in the shower. Logically I knew it was my cat doing something savage, but still, I got scared.
And each time I start planning how I will kill whoever tries anything. Is it bad that I know that if anyone ever tries to hurt my baby (or my family) I would kill them? I know that I could do it. Does that make me a crazy person or is it just self defense? Because I am a mamma bear at her worst and NOBODY is going to take my baby or hurt her!
*Sigh*
Well. Looks like I'm siding with paranoia for a time. But all I'm doing is trapping myself in some horrific mental hell AND in my house.
Help
6 comments:
I do the same thing. The other night I sat up in bed for an hour thinking about what I would do if someone broke into our house after the baby is born. The car thing is weird though...but I think you're doing everything right:) I don't think you're paranoid!
We live in a high crime area right now (seriously. There was a shooting right around the corner from us. A guy was killed. Another time my husband walked by a body bag, result of yet another shooting, on his way into work) and I just don't EVER read the local news. I've stayed up many nights listening to the noises my house makes and I nearly called the cops on a family of raccoons that were making noises in my backyard. I've got a very angry mama bear plan if anyone were to break into my house and I NEVER answer the door unless I know who it is. Don't feel bad about being "paranoid". I think it comes with being a mama. One of my friends up here helped track down a auto theft ring by calling in suspicious vehicles that were parked down the street from her.
you are actually quite normal in your paranoia--ask Tim. it is possible that a house has sold in your neighborhood and they are doing comparisons or someone is going to sell and they are doing comparisons to know where they should list the house since your house sold fairly recently...something that has helped me is that I pray and remember who wants me to feel unsafe and then see if the spirit guides me to action that will actually help with my 'problem'. GOD LUCK:)
meant GOOD LUCK but God is good luck!:) sorry I didn't notice!
You're normal. I carry pepper spray with me every where I go, literally. Even when I'm at home, I keep it in an easy access. But then again, we just moved somewhere where we don't know a soul or the area, so maybe I'm weird. Get wasp spray for your bedside table or one for near the front door or something. It shoots farther, plus if pepper spray is illegal where you are at you don't have to go through the process of registering it.
That would make me feel anxious too, although there are probably logical explanations! As others have said, I think being a new mother doesn't help with paranoia! I remember being absolutely floored when Scott was a newborn when I realized I'd do just about anything to keep him safe! Ask me sometime when I'm visiting to tell you the experience I had once when I was pondering some of those thoughts!
Anyway, it's smart to be aware of your surroundings, but in the end we just have to live life and hope for the best!
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