"She was not of age but for all time"

On Sunday I escaped for a spell and I went to the lake. I watched the small gentle waves and rolled the crystal like ice around in my palms. I stared at the snowy mountains. I found myself longing to be young again. Maybe that sounds strange since I'm only 28 but for a while now I haven't felt "young." Having been pregnant and now house bound and recovering from giving birth all while trying to adjust to this new two kid life has left me more tired than I have ever been and some days my body feels 80 years old.

I wanted in that moment to be young in an endless summer. Going to camps, breathing in the air and flirting and never knowing what each day may bring. Seeing the lake, standing on mountains. Have I really given my youth all that I could? It's a scary thing to ask yourself since there is no going back.

Maybe Buck turning 30 and knowing that my time is also coming soon got me all pensive. Perhaps it's that I am feeling lonely in my house, unable to really leave it- yet everyone else keeps moving along with their normal lives. It's hard for me to think rationally all the time. Sitting around for weeks makes me feel like maybe I am wasting away the last remaining drops of my youth. 

But then I was able to remind myself that I have the decision of how long I will remain "young." Old French proverbs and quotes started waltzing through my brain.

"It takes a long time to become young." Said Pablo Picasso.

And guess what? I get to choose! To remain young doesn't mean an endless childhood, but it does mean that it's all in my mind and attitude. That sense of adventure- seeing the whole world as a gallery of art. Fresh air- there will always be more to find and to deeply breathe in. Wrinkles don't have to define my age. My spirit can decide. And I decide to stay young forever.

(This time of year there is an event called "the lake thaw."

That mound that appears to be snow is actually

thousands of icy spears that shatter apart like glass.

It's breath taking and strangely theraputic

to break up the ice in your hands.)

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(All photos from phone camera)