Wal*Mart

Wal Mart, Wal Mart, Wal Mart. What am I do with you?

Whenever I go to Wal Mart I feel like I am going into battle. A war zone.  No matter what time of day it is, WW III is always raging inside. It's like the day after Thanksgiving everyday. So what if I save a couple dollars? I still come out with a black eye, some pulled hair, and a bag of my groceries missing.

The experience is a little bit like this:
Drive around for 15 minutes trying to find a parking spot in the back, two miles away from the entrance. After dodging 34 cars weaving through the parking lot like drunks, I enter the dragon's belly. Immediately I am thrown into the freeway of Wal mart. Kids are screaming, carts are flying, and there are no baskets to be found.  But don't worry, I get greeted.

So, being forced to use a giant cart, I make my way through the second round of doors. I shutter as I see inside the hive. People everywhere! Before I can even make it past the produce I am rammed into by another cart. I find that people here maneuver through Wal Mart the same why they drive on the roads- which for those of us who know what Utah-driving is like, knows that this is more unsafe than than swimming with crocodiles. All I want is some tomato paste and milk. But instead I am surrounded by people suddenly slamming on their breaks, drastically changing their speed from super fast to granny slow (for no apparent reason), not paying attention and driving me into the the bread rack, and taking up an entire isle by turning the cart sideways into a blockade. Is this ever really necessary?

Shopping carts?

Or weapons of mass destruction? 

WHY!?
By the time I get to the isle I want I discover that out of the 52 brands normally available there is now an empty shelf with some misplaced diapers there instead. Why does everyone want tomato paste?!

My trips to Wal Mart are always in vain.
I grumble, grab some milk, tear up the rest of my shopping list while proclaiming to the masses that "I'll starve before I shop here again!"

Getting through the check out is always worse than a doctor's waiting room. I used to think that I just had bad luck and "always picked the wrong lane" until I realized that they are ALL the WRONG lane. And why are the self-check out lanes ALWAYS closed?

Oh Wal Mart.
Why do I keep going back?
I guess I can't deny the closeness of it's location to my home, so I go there, hoping to save time. But I am realizing that, for example, when I send my husband off to get something "quickly" and he goes next door to Wal Mart, he comes back much later than when he drives across town, even in Utah traffic, and goes to another store.

Next time, we're moving near Target.